By Katie Metcalf
Memior of fight with anorexia
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Extra resources for Anorexia
When Mum was not at work, I would beg her to take me Christmas shopping so that I could look at all the gorgeous food and urge Mum to buy it, and promise her that I would eat what she bought, knowing fine well myself that I wouldn’t. Part of me felt good that I could control myself around all this lovely food, and not be tempted 34 enough to have some, but another part of me wished that I could allow myself something, and wished that I could be how I was two years ago, eating what I wanted and enjoying it, and not caring about it.
How was I even supposed to attempt to eat some of it? In the end, I picked at the cheese on the quiche, not even touching the pastry, poked at the carrots, and didn’t even bother with the mashed potato. I was so scared that it had all been smothered in butter. Although I couldn’t see any I was positive that it had been added secretly. They were on a mission to make me fat anyway, so of course, they were going to try sneaky tactics like that. It was the same routine as breakfast with a nurse sitting with me while I ate, which made me feel even worse because thoughts would go through my head like, “Does she think I am being greedy?
Mum had to work in the mornings, so when I wasn’t doing schoolwork, I would be secretly exercising. When Mum came home from work in the afternoon, she would try to get me out of the house for a while, thinking that it wasn’t good for me being alone in my room all day. I wasn’t allowed back to school, as I was in such a state, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I knew that something was wrong, but continually refused to accept that it had anything to do with my eating. As far as I was concerned, it was because I had a slightly ‘dodgy’ heart that would sort itself out sooner or later.